Some people believe in prime numbers. Others believe in odd numbers.33.333333~% is both.
On Friday I’ll be 33.333333~% done with chemo treatments. A few caring people told me this fact today. No offense to these people, but this fact has little to no effect on my mental state. I think knowing the # is bigger than 0, or 16.6666^~ is supposed to make me feel good; or hopeful? But this is just math. Divide 12 by 3. Prime number, even, negative number – how cares in relation to things like chemo? I have found this knowledge to have no effect on me and I wondered why. I think 50% will start effecting me emotionally; start showing me light. Or maybe my emotions are frozen within the cold neuropathy, which feels like pins and needles.
Remember, I mentioned the Chemo Suite needs a renovation.
It’s not the Chemo Spa” which is what it should be; what I envisioned when the oncologist explained,
“big windows, private room, soft chair, your own personal heater above your head, and Resource Center volunteers bring drinks a snacks”.
Since you all can’t join me for the day, here’s what the day looks like.
-Drive 15 minutes from home. This is the sort of awful, trying to be lovely walk from the parking lot to the entrance-This is the terrible staircase that smells and seemslike you are entering a hurricane safe zone (maybe that’s a bonus free gift with the treatment! The office actually has several “free – help yourself” baskets in the waiting rom, oddly enough.
-And this the terrible 1960’s hallway when the all too familiar chemo smell starts to lurk around the corners
-Then they “Access” me. Yep, feels just like a being robot. 6 hours of sitting, 5 different pre-meds and chemo meds, and then I go home connected to one of the chemo drugs for 46 hours. And wait for symptoms.
And hope for none.