who is this?

DSCN2814today this image is not me. this is a distant past. today i cannot stand on my hands. i cannot bend down and touch my toes. I cannot balance on one leg. I cannot put my own socks on without pain. today i look into the mirror at a body unknown. since July the reflection in the mirror has been distancing itself from the one i knew; one of muscle, broad shoulders, one of thick skin and of toughness. i’ve tried to accept this newness. but today the reflection is ever different. after a week in the hospital, no appetite, little ability to move, my body is slender, the skin falling on the bones without effort. my cheeks are sunk. my shoulders are narrow. there is no visible muscle anymore. though my mental self holds some strength, my physical being is fragile and frail. slow and spindly.

today i am thankful to stand up on my own. today i can step each foot in front of the other for a little while and am thankful for the wind that reminds me i’m still alive. today i can bend down enough to snuggle my dogs.

tomorrow is another day.


5 thoughts on “who is this?

  1. Elizabeth,
    This sounds awful. But, in the past I’ve had patients who, like you, suffered from the ravages of cancer and its treatment. Things WILL get better for you.


  2. “Courage does not always roar…..sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow.” Spring is in the air healing, warmth and light….may you feel all these things.


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